I know this girl (let's call her Sherry)... As long as I've known her she has been my size or bigger. But she carries herself completely differently than I do. With an amazing confidence that I can't match on my best days. Admittedly she is an above-average looking girl (in fact a plus size model at one point) - but I just don't understand it! I see pictures of her and I think, "She's way bigger than me!" and then I think, "She still looks so pretty!". (I have to say that Sherry and I have not been what I'd call "friends" for several years, so the first thought is always a little smug, and the second is a bit begrudging.)
I've been on the hefty side of healthy my entire adult life. At times I've just given up and let myself go. At other times (like now) I've put a lot of effort towards slimming myself down.
Either way I always sort of end up feeling like the "fat friend", or I talk myself out of a cute little outfit because I feel like a silly fat girl just fooling herself. That's not to say I completely lack confidence. I feel at least a little cute a lot of the time. But... I want to know how a girl like Sherry (who is probably 5 or 6 sizes bigger than me at this point) can still walk around like she expects to be the prettiest girl in the room. And how I can still feel envious of her when I look at her (because of her confidence).
Lately I am working my butt off (hopefully literally) at the gym. Partly this is to slim myself down, and partly it is because it makes me feel healthy and good. As a side effect it seems to give me a boost in confidence (even when I haven't seen any actual physical changes). I guess I will never be that uber-confident girl that walks around waiting for doors to be opened for her and drinks to be bought... But I am hoping to be the healthy girl that feels good about herself - and can buy that cute little outfit and go out feeling confident and sexy!
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I'm right there with ya sweetie. I think that I sometimes put myself in that frame of mind of being the "fat friend" that I alternately put myself in a group of skinnier chicks to motivate myself and end up being/feeling worse off afterwards, and avoiding everyone because I feel like the "fat friend". No matter which strategy I go with, I end up dragging myself down...even when I know I"m being ridiculous. I've never been one with a ton of confidence. Now I'm even worse. But I do find, that as you say, I do feel better no matter the physical outcome, when I am active. You just gotta cling to it, and those you love.
ReplyDeleteYou're a beautiful woman. I'll hold you a door and buy you a drink anytime. All you gotta do is smile at me